Hi, I am Kate and I am transgender. This is something I’ve known from a very young age: my earliest memory is of being about four years old and my mum finding me dressing up. I was very embarrassed and upset as even at that young age I’d learned boys and girls have separate rules regarding what to wear, and I was breaking them.
My mum did wonder at the time but put this down to a normal thing some children do. It seemed to be a one off. But it wasn’t. The thing I took away from the experience was: be more careful. And so I grew up, being careful with when I dressed up and keeping my thoughts to myself.
Until at 21 years old I met Katherine. I knew pretty quickly Katherine was the person I wanted to spend my life with and so a few months in to our relationship, I told her. We were up all night talking. I’m so glad I did this: Katherine was fine with it and very supportive (Katherine: I <3 you!). She helped me with makeup, we went clothes shopping and finally I could properly express myself, albeit in private and at various LGBT friendly events we attended.
Throughout this time we both saw my gender expression as something that could be treated as a hobby. I didn’t have the confidence to want to go further (such as coming out publicly) anyway. I was happy with dressing up on the weekend and then putting things, literally and metaphorically, back in the box afterwards. And this was really easy for the decade after uni where we were living away from family, in a big town with few people we knew. There was privacy and anonymity.
But then several things started converging. We moved and were now living in a small village were we knew lots of people and had friends and family: and visitors. Harbouring a secret can start to take it’s toll. The thought of being discovered was disconcerting. My confidence had grown from the various events we’d been to together and because I’d also made some friends in Cambridge. By the beginning of 2017 I’d joined a book group and started attending professional events related to my career. It was no longer a hobby I could put back in a box: it was the way I’d always wanted to express myself and experience life.
Then something brilliant happened. Marie, the writer of a sewing blog Katherine follows online announced that her partner had just transitioned and was now known as Charlotte. They are a young couple in their thirties, Charlotte works in web design and Marie enjoys sewing: there were parallels! Katherine realised we weren’t the only ones: there were seemingly perfectly normal people out there in a similar situation.
And so during one of my hypothetical “if I transitioned…” chats with Katherine her answer took me by surprise. She said ‘when’ rather than ‘if’, that she felt it was what I really wanted and it was fine with her. Love the person, not their gender. She told me about Marie and Charlotte and we watched some of Charlottes blog videos. The door had opened!
I immediately started getting ready to walk through that door. At the same time though, I had to determine if it was what I really wanted and if I were brave / tough enough to do it and survive. I’d always been able to say it’s what I wanted, even to think it truthfully to myself. But you can think whatever you want to hypothetical scenarios. It’s only when you are faced with a decision that you find out how you truly feel.
So it’s been a pretty busy 2017 so far! It’s been an exciting journey of discovery. I’ve come out privately to close friends and family and received a warm welcome. We had a lovely meeting with the head teacher at William’s school who is an amazing person and filled me with confidence (this was the main thing holding me back). We’ve been here, there and everywhere as a family, from garden centres in Cambridge to Legoland in Windsor. It was important to me to feel confident we could continue to do all the things we currently do.
There have been highs and there have been a few lows. You live, learn and continue. And what more can I say? Did I walk through the door? Well, you’re reading a blog about a girl named Kate…